Saturday, November 17, 2007
Wierdest Thing | Marjorie Riches
I was thinking about what I could possibly write about the wierdest thing that has ever happened to me. At first I had the same reaction as the girl in class who said that nothing wierd ever happens to her, but then I thought a little more and realized that I have so many wierd things, I couldn't possible choose one. My life is the wierdest thing ever! I could write my entire life story down and someone would read it and think, whoa, who is this girl. She must be some kind of freak show or something. But without doing that, I will simply touch on one of the many wierd things that has happened in my life. In the beginning of my junior year of high school, I dated a kid named LJ. I had had a huge crush on him for as long as I could remember. He was so dreamy! Well we were dating, or "going out" as we called it in high school for about three weeks. He and I would hang out with my best friend Jessica all of the time, and when I was at work he and Jessica would hang out. I never thought anything of it, the three of us had hung out all the time before that. Then one day, I found out that he was sleeping with Jessica. I was furious and didn't talk to either of them for a really long time. Then, one day not long after this, I heard a rumor that he was gay. I had to find out so I asked him. He confirmed it and i couldn't help but laugh. Lots of girls would feel like they had turned a guy gay if they were the last girl that he dated, but I thought it was hilarious. I may have been the last girl that he dated, but Jessica was the last girl that he slept with.
Invincible
Have you ever had moments when you thought that you were invincible? Nothing could touch you, no bad thing would ever happen, simply because you were you. If you are thinking right now that you have never had one of these moments, think again. Think back to when you were in high school and I’m sure that you will remember at least one such incident. You see, thinking you are invincible seems to come with the role of being a teenager. I, for one, never thought that I was invincible, I knew that I was. At least I did until one fateful summer day when I was sixteen.
This day started out like any other, a sunny Saturday. I was hanging out with my amazingly dreamy friend Danny. He was tall and well built with strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smile that could melt even the most popular freshman’s heart. I was not a freshman, but I sometimes wished that I was just so it would be ok for me to ogle at him like he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. This was not ok for a junior, and I would deny it to the grave if anyone ever tried to expose my secret desire.
Well, on this particular day, Danny and I were going to a church youth activity. We did this a lot, in fact this day was as typical as a day could get. Danny drove us from his house to the activity in his little blue junker car. We quickly realized as we drove past the lawn by the church that this was going to be a very active activity. We watched our friends running and dodging each other, some of them standing in one spot waiting for someone to rescue them from their prison.
After parking in the lot around the side of the church, I left my purse in the car because I had no desire to lug it around as I was running away from my pursuers. I wanted to be on top of my game. Unfortunately, not bringing my purse left us in quite the predicament. We didn’t have anywhere to put the keys. Danny was wearing basketball shorts so he delegated me key person because my jeans had pockets. It was obvious that he knew nothing about girl pants, so I informed him politely that the pockets on my jeans were made simply for fashion, not for holding things. This seemed to make sense to him so he thought for a minute, deciding that we would leave the keys in the glove box and leave the car unlocked. We were, of course, invincible.
Danny looked at me as he put the keys in the car and decided to console the fear that was not showing on my face by telling me, “Nothing ever happens here. The car will be fine.” I rolled my eyes in agreement. I already knew that, who did he think I was?
After closing his door, Danny and I hurried over to the lawn and joined our friends in the intensely thrilling game.
It wasn’t long before everyone else got bored with freeze tag and decided that they wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee. Ultimate Frisbee seems to be one of those games that all of the high school kids want to play because it makes them feel cool. It makes them feel all grown up, like college kids. It’s funny how playing a game can make you feel like something you aren’t. Danny had a Frisbee in his car though, and ran off to grab it as the rest of us sat down on the grass to take a breather. After a few minutes, Danny came back, empty handed.
“Where’s the Frisbee?” I asked him, curious about why his face had suddenly turned an unflattering shade of brick red.
“Gone,” he stated matter of factly, “The Frisbee is gone and the car is gone.” I began to laugh, knowing that he was joking, but no one else was laughing.
Our friend Trent, who always seemed to take control in sticky situations, stood up quickly and began giving orders, “Danny, you call the police, then follow me. Margie, you come too.” Danny was dumbfounded and had no idea what actions to take so he readily obeyed. He called the police and stated his problem, this time a little more urgently. I guess he had realized that they may not believe him if he said it as he had to us. Maybe the police would be as insensitive as I was and laugh at him. I can be a little clueless sometimes.
I now knew that our situation was serious though, so I followed dutifully behind Trent and Danny as we walked briskly to Trent’s dad’s black GMC truck and hopped in. Trent pulled out of the parking lot like a madman, the tires squealing for sympathy. He gunned it up the main street of our town, and although I couldn’t see the speedometer, I could tell from the angry faces of the people in the cars that we were passing that he was going just a little over the speed limit, and by a little, I mean a lot. On the bright side, if we got pulled over, we could let the cops know to be on the lookout for Danny’s car.
We sped along in silence for what seemed like an eternity (although we hadn’t even made it once down the street) when suddenly Danny erupted in a squeal that should never leave the lips of a male.
“My Car! Follow it!”
Sure enough, his car was passing us going the other way. Trent pulled an illegal u-turn and tore after it. We were in a real car chase. I was worried about Danny’s car, I really was, but I couldn’t help thinking about how cool it was that we were in a car chase just like what you see in the movies. We lunged after the car as the driver turned quickly into the back parking lot of Sam’s Club. Little did the thief know that this would turn out to be his downfall. Trent sped up, gaining on Danny’s little car. Just as the parking lot was coming to an end, we closed in on the car, pulling up beside it and edging it slowly toward the wall of the building. The driver of the little car gave in as he got dangerously close to colliding with the wall and slowed down to a stop. We pulled ahead of him, preventing him from starting up again, and piled out of the truck. Of course, none of us stopped to consider the fact that a bunch of teenagers probably wouldn’t scare an armed robber.
As we carefully approached the car we saw that our “armed robbers” were two teenage guys, probably barely fourteen. They stared blankly at us for a minute, than submissively got out of the car. As they faced us, one on either side of the car, they started cracking up. It was obvious that they had either been smoking something or were mentally unstable. As the passenger joined the driver on our side of the car, we learned that they had, indeed, been smoking something and that he was still clinging to the joint as though it were life itself. We looked at the pair of stoners, wondering if they even realized that they had stolen a car, and decided to inform them of their crime. As we told them that they had stolen a car, they burst out laughing again. We could tell that this conversation wasn’t going to get us anywhere so Trent called the cops and they came to take care of the young culprits. The young men continued to cackle as they were shoved in the back of the police car.
It was all over. Danny had to stay and answer some questions with the police while Trent and I decided to go back to the youth activity. It was odd how the rest of the day was so normal. No one asked about the amazing adventure we had just had, or even if Danny had found his car. They all seemed oblivious to the fact that we had been in a car chase and caught some criminals. So we simply went on playing freeze tag. Eventually Danny showed up and joined the game. He brought his keys with him this time, and clung to them as he ran around the lawn. He had learned that he wasn’t invincible, and from that day forward, he never would be. I, on the other hand, wasn’t convinced, and spent the rest of my teenage years testing the boundaries of invincibility.
This day started out like any other, a sunny Saturday. I was hanging out with my amazingly dreamy friend Danny. He was tall and well built with strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smile that could melt even the most popular freshman’s heart. I was not a freshman, but I sometimes wished that I was just so it would be ok for me to ogle at him like he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. This was not ok for a junior, and I would deny it to the grave if anyone ever tried to expose my secret desire.
Well, on this particular day, Danny and I were going to a church youth activity. We did this a lot, in fact this day was as typical as a day could get. Danny drove us from his house to the activity in his little blue junker car. We quickly realized as we drove past the lawn by the church that this was going to be a very active activity. We watched our friends running and dodging each other, some of them standing in one spot waiting for someone to rescue them from their prison.
After parking in the lot around the side of the church, I left my purse in the car because I had no desire to lug it around as I was running away from my pursuers. I wanted to be on top of my game. Unfortunately, not bringing my purse left us in quite the predicament. We didn’t have anywhere to put the keys. Danny was wearing basketball shorts so he delegated me key person because my jeans had pockets. It was obvious that he knew nothing about girl pants, so I informed him politely that the pockets on my jeans were made simply for fashion, not for holding things. This seemed to make sense to him so he thought for a minute, deciding that we would leave the keys in the glove box and leave the car unlocked. We were, of course, invincible.
Danny looked at me as he put the keys in the car and decided to console the fear that was not showing on my face by telling me, “Nothing ever happens here. The car will be fine.” I rolled my eyes in agreement. I already knew that, who did he think I was?
After closing his door, Danny and I hurried over to the lawn and joined our friends in the intensely thrilling game.
It wasn’t long before everyone else got bored with freeze tag and decided that they wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee. Ultimate Frisbee seems to be one of those games that all of the high school kids want to play because it makes them feel cool. It makes them feel all grown up, like college kids. It’s funny how playing a game can make you feel like something you aren’t. Danny had a Frisbee in his car though, and ran off to grab it as the rest of us sat down on the grass to take a breather. After a few minutes, Danny came back, empty handed.
“Where’s the Frisbee?” I asked him, curious about why his face had suddenly turned an unflattering shade of brick red.
“Gone,” he stated matter of factly, “The Frisbee is gone and the car is gone.” I began to laugh, knowing that he was joking, but no one else was laughing.
Our friend Trent, who always seemed to take control in sticky situations, stood up quickly and began giving orders, “Danny, you call the police, then follow me. Margie, you come too.” Danny was dumbfounded and had no idea what actions to take so he readily obeyed. He called the police and stated his problem, this time a little more urgently. I guess he had realized that they may not believe him if he said it as he had to us. Maybe the police would be as insensitive as I was and laugh at him. I can be a little clueless sometimes.
I now knew that our situation was serious though, so I followed dutifully behind Trent and Danny as we walked briskly to Trent’s dad’s black GMC truck and hopped in. Trent pulled out of the parking lot like a madman, the tires squealing for sympathy. He gunned it up the main street of our town, and although I couldn’t see the speedometer, I could tell from the angry faces of the people in the cars that we were passing that he was going just a little over the speed limit, and by a little, I mean a lot. On the bright side, if we got pulled over, we could let the cops know to be on the lookout for Danny’s car.
We sped along in silence for what seemed like an eternity (although we hadn’t even made it once down the street) when suddenly Danny erupted in a squeal that should never leave the lips of a male.
“My Car! Follow it!”
Sure enough, his car was passing us going the other way. Trent pulled an illegal u-turn and tore after it. We were in a real car chase. I was worried about Danny’s car, I really was, but I couldn’t help thinking about how cool it was that we were in a car chase just like what you see in the movies. We lunged after the car as the driver turned quickly into the back parking lot of Sam’s Club. Little did the thief know that this would turn out to be his downfall. Trent sped up, gaining on Danny’s little car. Just as the parking lot was coming to an end, we closed in on the car, pulling up beside it and edging it slowly toward the wall of the building. The driver of the little car gave in as he got dangerously close to colliding with the wall and slowed down to a stop. We pulled ahead of him, preventing him from starting up again, and piled out of the truck. Of course, none of us stopped to consider the fact that a bunch of teenagers probably wouldn’t scare an armed robber.
As we carefully approached the car we saw that our “armed robbers” were two teenage guys, probably barely fourteen. They stared blankly at us for a minute, than submissively got out of the car. As they faced us, one on either side of the car, they started cracking up. It was obvious that they had either been smoking something or were mentally unstable. As the passenger joined the driver on our side of the car, we learned that they had, indeed, been smoking something and that he was still clinging to the joint as though it were life itself. We looked at the pair of stoners, wondering if they even realized that they had stolen a car, and decided to inform them of their crime. As we told them that they had stolen a car, they burst out laughing again. We could tell that this conversation wasn’t going to get us anywhere so Trent called the cops and they came to take care of the young culprits. The young men continued to cackle as they were shoved in the back of the police car.
It was all over. Danny had to stay and answer some questions with the police while Trent and I decided to go back to the youth activity. It was odd how the rest of the day was so normal. No one asked about the amazing adventure we had just had, or even if Danny had found his car. They all seemed oblivious to the fact that we had been in a car chase and caught some criminals. So we simply went on playing freeze tag. Eventually Danny showed up and joined the game. He brought his keys with him this time, and clung to them as he ran around the lawn. He had learned that he wasn’t invincible, and from that day forward, he never would be. I, on the other hand, wasn’t convinced, and spent the rest of my teenage years testing the boundaries of invincibility.
Friday, November 2, 2007
The Distraction | Marjorie Riches
Scene 1
A college apartment in Utah. A door stage left leads into a living room. The kitchen and bathroom also show on stage. A hall leads off stage right. Two college roommates, Alexis and Joanna live in this apartment. It is the year 2006 at the beginning of the school year. Lights come up on ALEXIS who is in the apartment now, looking for something.
ALEXIS
(Searching the bathroom)
Joanna! Did you borrow my eyeliner again? I can’t find it…Joanna!
(Exits the bathroom, looking around the apartment)
Where did she go? She’s never around when I need her. I don’t even know why she borrows my eyeliner. No one can see her eyes behind those huge, ugly glasses.
JOANNA
(Enter stage left)
ALEXIS
There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for my eyeliner. Did you take it again?
JOANNA
Did you check the second drawer down in the bathroom where you left it yesterday?
ALEXIS
Of course I did, I’m not stupid.
JOANNA
Well I didn’t take it, so I’m sorry but I guess you will just have to keep looking.
(Exit stage left)
ALEXIS
(Sarcastically)
Thanks for the help. I don’t know why she even comes home at all if she is just going to leave again. I swear, she doesn’t even live here anymore. I wonder when she’ll just move out completely and start staying at the library permanently, building a house out of her precious books. I don’t know how she studies as much as she does. I would think she would be going insane by now. I do know that she’s never going to find a guy if she keeps acting like this. Not that any guy would see beyond her glasses anyways. If she would just try…
(Wander into the bathroom and open the second drawer. Shake head while pulling out the eyeliner and beginning to apply it)
Lights Fade slowly. End Scene.
Scene 2
A college classroom on the first day of school. The PROFESSOR is writing on the board. Students are chatting. ALEXIS is sitting next to EVERETT.
ALEXIS
(To Everett)
Hi, I’m Joanna.
EVERETT
(Looking at Joanna, smiling)
Everett.
ALEXIS
Are you a freshman?
EVERETT
No, I just have to take this class because my advisor forgot to mention that I needed it to graduate. I only have a few classes left this semester before I’m done.
ALEXIS
(Flirting)
Oh, I didn’t think you were a freshman. You are way too cute to be a freshman. I’m not one either.
EVERETT
Oh cool, what’s your major?
ALEXIS
(Pause for a moment, thinking. Hesitantly)
Ummm..it’s...English?
EVERETT
Are you sure about that?
(Laughs)
But your major is English? That’s rough. I can’t stand English. I want to teach high school math.
ALEXIS
Math? Eeeeeew. I hate math! But maybe you can tutor me… I have a math class this semester.
EVERETT
Oh really? Which one?
ALEXIS
1010, I just have to get it done so I can get my generals out of the way.
EVERETT
Well, I can definitely help you with that class.
(Laughs)
But only if you help me with English.
ALEXIS
(Hands Everett a piece of pink paper)
Anytime, here’s my number. Call me if you want to hang out sometime. Oh, and if you need help with English.
PROFESSOR
(Turning to face the class)
I hope everyone got the notes. Have a good day. I’ll see you all on Wednesday.
All students exit stage right. End Scene.
Scene 3
Back in the girls’ apartment. ALEXIS and JOANNA are in the kitchen. JOANNA is cooking dinner. ALEXIS is sitting on a bench by the table talking on her cell phone.
ALEXIS
(On the phone)
Oh my gosh…I know…I know! Ok sweetie well I will see you tomorrow. Take care and tell that boyfriend of yours that he better be nice to you.
(Laughs)
Love ya! Bye!
(To Joanna)
Oh my gosh Joanna, you have to hear about my day. So I met this guy in my communications class and he is so cute. He’s graduating this year and wants to teach math. Can you believe that? I think he’s crazy, but he is so dang cute and he said he would tutor me in math if I helped him with English!
JOANNA
(Putting a pan in the oven)
English? I didn’t know that you liked English. I thought you hated it last semester.
ALEXIS
I do, but I told him I was an English major because I didn’t want to sound stupid and tell him that don’t know what I want to do. I know the basics. I mean all that you have to do is put words on paper with little marks right! He is just so cute. I couldn’t help it.
JOANNA
Well good luck with that. You really should tell him that you aren’t an English major before you make a fool of yourself. I’m sure he would rather know the truth, and besides, you don’t want to make yourself look stupid in front of him, right?
ALEXIS
Ouch. I can be smart when I want to be. I just choose to have fun instead of trying to get smart all the time. But in a case like this, it’s the only option I have for hanging out with an adorable guy. I can be smart for that. And besides Joanna, I won’t need to be super book smart when I get married. Then I will have a husband to support me and will only have to worry about making my house all cute.
JOANNA
Well have you ever thought that there is the possibility you might not get married? It is a possibility you know. I’m not married yet and I’m 28. I’m working on my PhD because I have realized that getting married just isn’t right for me. And I’m fine with that.
ALEXIS
Are you? Or do you secretly dream of someday meeting your Prince Charming and having him sweep you off of your feet. It could happen if you would just lose the glasses and start caring.
JOANNA
Well I won’t lose the glasses and I don’t care. Any guy who I would ever even consider wouldn’t care about the fact that I have bad eyesight. In fact, he wouldn’t care about how I look at all. He would like me for me.
ALEXIS
Keep dreaming. That kind of guy doesn’t exist Joanna.
JOANNA
And that’s exactly why I’m not trying. Plus, I find that I can concentrate on school so much better when I don’t have any distractions. And that’s really all that guys are…distractions.
(The timer goes off and Joanna pulls the pan out of the oven)
Perfect. Now let’s eat so that I can get back over to the library. I have a huge test tomorrow.
Lights fade slowly, End Scene.
Scene 4
In the girls’ apartment. ALEXIS is in the living room waiting for EVERETT to come over. She has been seeing him for a few weeks now and they kissed for the first time the night before.
EVERETT
(Knocks on the door and enters stage left)
ALEXIS
(Jumps up and gives EVERETT a hug)
Hey there you!
EVERETT
Hi! How are you doing tonight?
ALEXIS
Great, and how about you?
(Poking EVERETT in the stomach)
You’re looking hot by the way.
EVERETT
(Awkwardly)
I’m doing good.
ALEXIS
Great! So what do you want to do tonight? We could watch a movie or go bowling or…do you have any ideas?
EVERETT
I was actually thinking that we could work on homework. I’ve been meaning to get your help on a big paper that I’m working on. I-
ALEXIS
(Interrupting EVERETT quickly)
Let’s not do homework tonight. We can do it tomorrow. Let’s have fun tonight. Last night was so much fun so let’s keep the fun going.
EVERETT
We can have fun after I get this done. It’s due Thursday and I’m stuck. I can’t figure out the right words for some of these sentences.
ALEXIS
Ok, Ok…let’s just get it done quick then.
EVERETT
Thanks.
(Pulls a paper out of his backpack and sits down)
Ok, so I have this sentence and I just can’t find the right word to describe how I felt when I saw the play. I really didn’t like it. It made me feel disgusted and angry at the same time. I figured that since you are better with words that you could think of something.
ALEXIS
That’s easy…it was bad.
EVERETT
Bad? I was hoping for a more descriptive, longer word. Bad just sounds, well, bad.
ALEXIS
Well I don’t know then, can’t you figure this out later? It’s not like you are going to get a bad grade from what words you use. So who really cares?
EVERETT
Isn’t English all about what words you use? I thought you liked this stuff anyways. Why are you majoring in English if you don’t even like it?
JOANNA
(Enter stage left and walk quickly through the apartment, exiting stage right)
EVERETT
You have a roommate?
ALEXIS
Kind of, her name’s Joanna. She’s just never around because she’s always busy studying. I don’t even know if I really consider her a roommate. She’s hopeless. Her whole life has been wasted away on stupid books. See, I don’t want to end up like her. So let’s have fun while we can. We can always work later.
EVERETT
(Frustrated)
Fine, it’s obvious you don’t want to help right now, so what do you want to do?
ALEXIS
(Not sincerely)
We can do your paper if you really want to…
EVERETT
(Still frustrated)
No, it’s fine. I will just finish it tomorrow by myself.
ALEXIS
Ok! Let’s go bowling.
EVERETT
Fine.
(glances back in the direction of Joanna as he and ALEXIS exit stage left.)
End Scene.
Scene 5
The library. JOANNA and several other students are at cubicles studying. EVERETT enters stage right. He looks around for a cubicle, spots JOANNA, and walks over to her.
EVERETT
(Whispering)
Hi!
JOANNA
(Surprised, looks up from her book)
Hello? Do I know you?
EVERETT
No, not really. I was at your apartment the other night. I saw you, but we didn’t really meet-
JOANNA
(Hurriedly)
I was really tired.
EVERETT
Oh, I definitely understand how that is. Don’t worry about it. My name’s Everett.
(Offers JOANNA his hand to shake)
JOANNA
(Shakes EVERETT’s hand)
Joanna.
(Blush’s then looks like she has just remembered something disappointing)
Oh, Everett! You’re Alexis’s boyfriend.
EVERETT
Oh, did she tell you that I was her boyfriend? I guess so.
JOANNA
(Looking back at her book)
Well, it was nice to meet you. She talks about you all the time, but if you don’t mind I have a lot of work to do.
EVERETT
Oh, well I better let you do that then, but sometime when you have a free minute, we should get coffee or something.
JOANNA
(Looking up at EVERETT, confused)
What?
EVERETT
(Sarcastically)
Coffee. It’s a drink.
JOANNA
(Coldly)
I know what coffee is.
EVERETT
I knew you did. I was just clarifying, sorry.
JOANNA
(Turning away)
Oh, well I just don’t think I can. I’m really busy all of the time and you are dating Alexis anyways. Trust me, I shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t ask me to, Alexis would be repulsed if she knew you had asked me to get coffee.
EVERETT
(Triumphantly)
Repulsed!
JOANNA
(Looking up at him, shocked)
What?
EVERETT
Oh, sorry, it’s just the perfect word for this sentence in a paper I am trying to write. Thanks!
(writes the word on the back of his hand)
JOANNA
(Looks bewildered)
EVERETT
I need to remember that. Oh, and about the coffee. You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to. I was just trying to give you a break from all of your work. And besides, until Alexis discusses with me whether I am her boyfriend or not, I don’t think she can tell me who I can or can’t go get coffee with. But, I’ll leave that decision up to you.
(slides a strip of paper with his number into her book)
Just in case you change your mind.
(Exit stage right)
End Scene.
Scene 6
Back at the girls’ apartment. ALEXIS and EVERETT are on the couch cuddling and talking. JOANNA enters stage left. EVERETT quickly moves away from ALEXIS.
JOANNA
Hi Alexis, Everett.
ALEXIS
(Sarcastically)
Wow, you are home? What a surprise! We should have a party?
(Laughs)
Oh, and how do you know Everett?
EVERETT
We ran into each other the other day at the library.
ALEXIS
Oh, well I hope you don’t need the living room tonight Joanna, because we are hanging out here.
JOANNA
No I won’t need it. In fact, I’ll be leaving soon to study some more. I just came home to grab something.
(Exit stage right)
ALEXIS
(To Everett)
Now, where were we?
(Pause for a moment, realizing something)
Why did you stop cuddling with me as soon as she came in?
EVERETT
(Blushing)
I didn’t know that I did. Sorry.
ALEXIS
(Skeptically)
Ok, well I have to go to the little girls’ room. I’ll be back in just a minute. Don’t go anywhere.
(Exit stage right)
JOANNA
(Enter stage right)
EVERETT
Hi!
JOANNA
Hi. I have to go study.
(Walk quickly toward the door)
EVERETT
Ok, well have a good night. And the offer still stands to get coffee sometime you know.
JOANNA
(Facing Everett, coldly)
Oh does it? It seems to me that you have let Alexis know that you are her boyfriend. Unless you cuddle with all of your friends?
EVERETT
No, I guess we are dating, but I just don’t see it going anywhere. Can I trust you to not tell Alexis something if I tell you?
JOANNA
Sure, she doesn’t ever let me get a word in anyways.
EVERETT
Ok, well when I first met Alexis, I thought she was really cool, but I’m finding out that she’s not at all the person I thought she was. And there’s this other girl - I just don’t think Alexis and I are going to work out.
ALEXIS
(Enter stage right, angrily)
We aren’t going to work out? When did this happen, and when were you planning on telling me? After you told my roommate I guess? Ya know what? You’re right. We aren’t going to work out. You can leave now. Oh, and by the way, you are totally lame. I thought someday that maybe your good looks would get a personality, but, well that didn’t happen.
(Flips her hair and exits stage right)
EVERETT
Well I think that’s my cue to leave, take care Joanna. Sorry I upset your roommate.
(Brushes JOANNA’s hand as he leaves. Exit stage left)
JOANNA
(Blushes)
ALEXIS
(Enter stage right)
Is he gone? Good. When did you two get so close?
JOANNA
We didn’t. We’ve only talked the one time at the library.
ALEXIS
Whatever, people don’t just spill their feelings to someone they met one time at the library. Whatever though. Ya know what? I don’t even care.
JOANNA
(Pleading)
Alexis, please don’t be like this. I’m sorry he broke up with you, but it wasn’t my fault. I promise. He said there was another girl.
ALEXIS
(Pauses for a second, looking at Joanna)
No, it is you. He broke up with me for you. I can’t believe this. It was so obvious. He moved away from me today when you walked in. He totally likes you.
JOANNA
(Nervously)
No he doesn’t. You said it yourself, no guy is going to like me until I start caring. Well, I don’t care.
ALEXIS
And he likes you anyways. I guess your kind of dream man does exist. Wow, he seems to have fallen for you, glasses and all.
JOANNA
(Timidly)
Well I won’t date him if it will make you mad. And he’s not my dream man. I don’t even know him.
ALEXIS
(Laughs)
Are you kidding me? You have to date him. You aren’t ever going to have another chance. Seriously, you must be insane. You two are perfect for each other. I should have seen it before. And besides I really don’t care for him, and he likes you. So go for it. Seriously, I want you to. You guys would be totally cute together.
JOANNA
You really want me to?
ALEXIS
Yes! Gosh, you don’t have to keep asking. Here, let me give you his number. You should call him right now and tell him to get back over here.
JOANNA
(Pulls the slip of paper out of her pocket)
I already have it. He gave it to me the other day at the library.
ALEXIS
He did? And you didn’t pick up on it then?
(Laughs)
Well I’m happy for you. But you know, he is going to be a distraction.
JOANNA
He sure is, but I think I can use a good distraction right now.
The End
A college apartment in Utah. A door stage left leads into a living room. The kitchen and bathroom also show on stage. A hall leads off stage right. Two college roommates, Alexis and Joanna live in this apartment. It is the year 2006 at the beginning of the school year. Lights come up on ALEXIS who is in the apartment now, looking for something.
ALEXIS
(Searching the bathroom)
Joanna! Did you borrow my eyeliner again? I can’t find it…Joanna!
(Exits the bathroom, looking around the apartment)
Where did she go? She’s never around when I need her. I don’t even know why she borrows my eyeliner. No one can see her eyes behind those huge, ugly glasses.
JOANNA
(Enter stage left)
ALEXIS
There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for my eyeliner. Did you take it again?
JOANNA
Did you check the second drawer down in the bathroom where you left it yesterday?
ALEXIS
Of course I did, I’m not stupid.
JOANNA
Well I didn’t take it, so I’m sorry but I guess you will just have to keep looking.
(Exit stage left)
ALEXIS
(Sarcastically)
Thanks for the help. I don’t know why she even comes home at all if she is just going to leave again. I swear, she doesn’t even live here anymore. I wonder when she’ll just move out completely and start staying at the library permanently, building a house out of her precious books. I don’t know how she studies as much as she does. I would think she would be going insane by now. I do know that she’s never going to find a guy if she keeps acting like this. Not that any guy would see beyond her glasses anyways. If she would just try…
(Wander into the bathroom and open the second drawer. Shake head while pulling out the eyeliner and beginning to apply it)
Lights Fade slowly. End Scene.
Scene 2
A college classroom on the first day of school. The PROFESSOR is writing on the board. Students are chatting. ALEXIS is sitting next to EVERETT.
ALEXIS
(To Everett)
Hi, I’m Joanna.
EVERETT
(Looking at Joanna, smiling)
Everett.
ALEXIS
Are you a freshman?
EVERETT
No, I just have to take this class because my advisor forgot to mention that I needed it to graduate. I only have a few classes left this semester before I’m done.
ALEXIS
(Flirting)
Oh, I didn’t think you were a freshman. You are way too cute to be a freshman. I’m not one either.
EVERETT
Oh cool, what’s your major?
ALEXIS
(Pause for a moment, thinking. Hesitantly)
Ummm..it’s...English?
EVERETT
Are you sure about that?
(Laughs)
But your major is English? That’s rough. I can’t stand English. I want to teach high school math.
ALEXIS
Math? Eeeeeew. I hate math! But maybe you can tutor me… I have a math class this semester.
EVERETT
Oh really? Which one?
ALEXIS
1010, I just have to get it done so I can get my generals out of the way.
EVERETT
Well, I can definitely help you with that class.
(Laughs)
But only if you help me with English.
ALEXIS
(Hands Everett a piece of pink paper)
Anytime, here’s my number. Call me if you want to hang out sometime. Oh, and if you need help with English.
PROFESSOR
(Turning to face the class)
I hope everyone got the notes. Have a good day. I’ll see you all on Wednesday.
All students exit stage right. End Scene.
Scene 3
Back in the girls’ apartment. ALEXIS and JOANNA are in the kitchen. JOANNA is cooking dinner. ALEXIS is sitting on a bench by the table talking on her cell phone.
ALEXIS
(On the phone)
Oh my gosh…I know…I know! Ok sweetie well I will see you tomorrow. Take care and tell that boyfriend of yours that he better be nice to you.
(Laughs)
Love ya! Bye!
(To Joanna)
Oh my gosh Joanna, you have to hear about my day. So I met this guy in my communications class and he is so cute. He’s graduating this year and wants to teach math. Can you believe that? I think he’s crazy, but he is so dang cute and he said he would tutor me in math if I helped him with English!
JOANNA
(Putting a pan in the oven)
English? I didn’t know that you liked English. I thought you hated it last semester.
ALEXIS
I do, but I told him I was an English major because I didn’t want to sound stupid and tell him that don’t know what I want to do. I know the basics. I mean all that you have to do is put words on paper with little marks right! He is just so cute. I couldn’t help it.
JOANNA
Well good luck with that. You really should tell him that you aren’t an English major before you make a fool of yourself. I’m sure he would rather know the truth, and besides, you don’t want to make yourself look stupid in front of him, right?
ALEXIS
Ouch. I can be smart when I want to be. I just choose to have fun instead of trying to get smart all the time. But in a case like this, it’s the only option I have for hanging out with an adorable guy. I can be smart for that. And besides Joanna, I won’t need to be super book smart when I get married. Then I will have a husband to support me and will only have to worry about making my house all cute.
JOANNA
Well have you ever thought that there is the possibility you might not get married? It is a possibility you know. I’m not married yet and I’m 28. I’m working on my PhD because I have realized that getting married just isn’t right for me. And I’m fine with that.
ALEXIS
Are you? Or do you secretly dream of someday meeting your Prince Charming and having him sweep you off of your feet. It could happen if you would just lose the glasses and start caring.
JOANNA
Well I won’t lose the glasses and I don’t care. Any guy who I would ever even consider wouldn’t care about the fact that I have bad eyesight. In fact, he wouldn’t care about how I look at all. He would like me for me.
ALEXIS
Keep dreaming. That kind of guy doesn’t exist Joanna.
JOANNA
And that’s exactly why I’m not trying. Plus, I find that I can concentrate on school so much better when I don’t have any distractions. And that’s really all that guys are…distractions.
(The timer goes off and Joanna pulls the pan out of the oven)
Perfect. Now let’s eat so that I can get back over to the library. I have a huge test tomorrow.
Lights fade slowly, End Scene.
Scene 4
In the girls’ apartment. ALEXIS is in the living room waiting for EVERETT to come over. She has been seeing him for a few weeks now and they kissed for the first time the night before.
EVERETT
(Knocks on the door and enters stage left)
ALEXIS
(Jumps up and gives EVERETT a hug)
Hey there you!
EVERETT
Hi! How are you doing tonight?
ALEXIS
Great, and how about you?
(Poking EVERETT in the stomach)
You’re looking hot by the way.
EVERETT
(Awkwardly)
I’m doing good.
ALEXIS
Great! So what do you want to do tonight? We could watch a movie or go bowling or…do you have any ideas?
EVERETT
I was actually thinking that we could work on homework. I’ve been meaning to get your help on a big paper that I’m working on. I-
ALEXIS
(Interrupting EVERETT quickly)
Let’s not do homework tonight. We can do it tomorrow. Let’s have fun tonight. Last night was so much fun so let’s keep the fun going.
EVERETT
We can have fun after I get this done. It’s due Thursday and I’m stuck. I can’t figure out the right words for some of these sentences.
ALEXIS
Ok, Ok…let’s just get it done quick then.
EVERETT
Thanks.
(Pulls a paper out of his backpack and sits down)
Ok, so I have this sentence and I just can’t find the right word to describe how I felt when I saw the play. I really didn’t like it. It made me feel disgusted and angry at the same time. I figured that since you are better with words that you could think of something.
ALEXIS
That’s easy…it was bad.
EVERETT
Bad? I was hoping for a more descriptive, longer word. Bad just sounds, well, bad.
ALEXIS
Well I don’t know then, can’t you figure this out later? It’s not like you are going to get a bad grade from what words you use. So who really cares?
EVERETT
Isn’t English all about what words you use? I thought you liked this stuff anyways. Why are you majoring in English if you don’t even like it?
JOANNA
(Enter stage left and walk quickly through the apartment, exiting stage right)
EVERETT
You have a roommate?
ALEXIS
Kind of, her name’s Joanna. She’s just never around because she’s always busy studying. I don’t even know if I really consider her a roommate. She’s hopeless. Her whole life has been wasted away on stupid books. See, I don’t want to end up like her. So let’s have fun while we can. We can always work later.
EVERETT
(Frustrated)
Fine, it’s obvious you don’t want to help right now, so what do you want to do?
ALEXIS
(Not sincerely)
We can do your paper if you really want to…
EVERETT
(Still frustrated)
No, it’s fine. I will just finish it tomorrow by myself.
ALEXIS
Ok! Let’s go bowling.
EVERETT
Fine.
(glances back in the direction of Joanna as he and ALEXIS exit stage left.)
End Scene.
Scene 5
The library. JOANNA and several other students are at cubicles studying. EVERETT enters stage right. He looks around for a cubicle, spots JOANNA, and walks over to her.
EVERETT
(Whispering)
Hi!
JOANNA
(Surprised, looks up from her book)
Hello? Do I know you?
EVERETT
No, not really. I was at your apartment the other night. I saw you, but we didn’t really meet-
JOANNA
(Hurriedly)
I was really tired.
EVERETT
Oh, I definitely understand how that is. Don’t worry about it. My name’s Everett.
(Offers JOANNA his hand to shake)
JOANNA
(Shakes EVERETT’s hand)
Joanna.
(Blush’s then looks like she has just remembered something disappointing)
Oh, Everett! You’re Alexis’s boyfriend.
EVERETT
Oh, did she tell you that I was her boyfriend? I guess so.
JOANNA
(Looking back at her book)
Well, it was nice to meet you. She talks about you all the time, but if you don’t mind I have a lot of work to do.
EVERETT
Oh, well I better let you do that then, but sometime when you have a free minute, we should get coffee or something.
JOANNA
(Looking up at EVERETT, confused)
What?
EVERETT
(Sarcastically)
Coffee. It’s a drink.
JOANNA
(Coldly)
I know what coffee is.
EVERETT
I knew you did. I was just clarifying, sorry.
JOANNA
(Turning away)
Oh, well I just don’t think I can. I’m really busy all of the time and you are dating Alexis anyways. Trust me, I shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t ask me to, Alexis would be repulsed if she knew you had asked me to get coffee.
EVERETT
(Triumphantly)
Repulsed!
JOANNA
(Looking up at him, shocked)
What?
EVERETT
Oh, sorry, it’s just the perfect word for this sentence in a paper I am trying to write. Thanks!
(writes the word on the back of his hand)
JOANNA
(Looks bewildered)
EVERETT
I need to remember that. Oh, and about the coffee. You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to. I was just trying to give you a break from all of your work. And besides, until Alexis discusses with me whether I am her boyfriend or not, I don’t think she can tell me who I can or can’t go get coffee with. But, I’ll leave that decision up to you.
(slides a strip of paper with his number into her book)
Just in case you change your mind.
(Exit stage right)
End Scene.
Scene 6
Back at the girls’ apartment. ALEXIS and EVERETT are on the couch cuddling and talking. JOANNA enters stage left. EVERETT quickly moves away from ALEXIS.
JOANNA
Hi Alexis, Everett.
ALEXIS
(Sarcastically)
Wow, you are home? What a surprise! We should have a party?
(Laughs)
Oh, and how do you know Everett?
EVERETT
We ran into each other the other day at the library.
ALEXIS
Oh, well I hope you don’t need the living room tonight Joanna, because we are hanging out here.
JOANNA
No I won’t need it. In fact, I’ll be leaving soon to study some more. I just came home to grab something.
(Exit stage right)
ALEXIS
(To Everett)
Now, where were we?
(Pause for a moment, realizing something)
Why did you stop cuddling with me as soon as she came in?
EVERETT
(Blushing)
I didn’t know that I did. Sorry.
ALEXIS
(Skeptically)
Ok, well I have to go to the little girls’ room. I’ll be back in just a minute. Don’t go anywhere.
(Exit stage right)
JOANNA
(Enter stage right)
EVERETT
Hi!
JOANNA
Hi. I have to go study.
(Walk quickly toward the door)
EVERETT
Ok, well have a good night. And the offer still stands to get coffee sometime you know.
JOANNA
(Facing Everett, coldly)
Oh does it? It seems to me that you have let Alexis know that you are her boyfriend. Unless you cuddle with all of your friends?
EVERETT
No, I guess we are dating, but I just don’t see it going anywhere. Can I trust you to not tell Alexis something if I tell you?
JOANNA
Sure, she doesn’t ever let me get a word in anyways.
EVERETT
Ok, well when I first met Alexis, I thought she was really cool, but I’m finding out that she’s not at all the person I thought she was. And there’s this other girl - I just don’t think Alexis and I are going to work out.
ALEXIS
(Enter stage right, angrily)
We aren’t going to work out? When did this happen, and when were you planning on telling me? After you told my roommate I guess? Ya know what? You’re right. We aren’t going to work out. You can leave now. Oh, and by the way, you are totally lame. I thought someday that maybe your good looks would get a personality, but, well that didn’t happen.
(Flips her hair and exits stage right)
EVERETT
Well I think that’s my cue to leave, take care Joanna. Sorry I upset your roommate.
(Brushes JOANNA’s hand as he leaves. Exit stage left)
JOANNA
(Blushes)
ALEXIS
(Enter stage right)
Is he gone? Good. When did you two get so close?
JOANNA
We didn’t. We’ve only talked the one time at the library.
ALEXIS
Whatever, people don’t just spill their feelings to someone they met one time at the library. Whatever though. Ya know what? I don’t even care.
JOANNA
(Pleading)
Alexis, please don’t be like this. I’m sorry he broke up with you, but it wasn’t my fault. I promise. He said there was another girl.
ALEXIS
(Pauses for a second, looking at Joanna)
No, it is you. He broke up with me for you. I can’t believe this. It was so obvious. He moved away from me today when you walked in. He totally likes you.
JOANNA
(Nervously)
No he doesn’t. You said it yourself, no guy is going to like me until I start caring. Well, I don’t care.
ALEXIS
And he likes you anyways. I guess your kind of dream man does exist. Wow, he seems to have fallen for you, glasses and all.
JOANNA
(Timidly)
Well I won’t date him if it will make you mad. And he’s not my dream man. I don’t even know him.
ALEXIS
(Laughs)
Are you kidding me? You have to date him. You aren’t ever going to have another chance. Seriously, you must be insane. You two are perfect for each other. I should have seen it before. And besides I really don’t care for him, and he likes you. So go for it. Seriously, I want you to. You guys would be totally cute together.
JOANNA
You really want me to?
ALEXIS
Yes! Gosh, you don’t have to keep asking. Here, let me give you his number. You should call him right now and tell him to get back over here.
JOANNA
(Pulls the slip of paper out of her pocket)
I already have it. He gave it to me the other day at the library.
ALEXIS
He did? And you didn’t pick up on it then?
(Laughs)
Well I’m happy for you. But you know, he is going to be a distraction.
JOANNA
He sure is, but I think I can use a good distraction right now.
The End
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