The Double | Marjorie Riches

Double dates can be lots of fun, getting together as friends or as couples always makes a good time. The atmosphere is more low key when you are doubling and you have someone of the same sex to bounce ideas off of while the women have "potty parties" and go and gossip about us. Tonight I went on a double with my good friend John and two lovely ladies we had met at the club the night before. I live in Vegas, the "city of lights", and sometimes I just want to
get away from it all, but I can't. Where am I supposed to go...Utah? Ha. I'll stay where I'm at. As I was saying,I went on a double date tonight. My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight. I wasn't impressed. John's date was somewhat less scantily clad, a blonde girl named Heather. I could tell from the way that he wouldn't stop talking that he must like her a lot. I couldn't say that she felt the same way, but hey, who can read women. John and I had decided ahead of time to take the ladies to the Cheesecake Factory. It was nice, but not nice enough to tell them that are made of money, because we aren't. The ride to the restaraunt was nice, although no one but John was talking at all. I don't even think he knew what he was talking about. I heard something about radios and a couple of minutes later he was going off about airplanes. I wondered if he realized that no one was listening to him and his date was staring at him like he was a rotting dead fish. I laughed to myself at his stupidity. My date and I were in the backseat of John's Chevy Malibu. We were sitting on either side, as far away from each other as possible. If I had been slightly interested in her, it would have made this whole date thing easier, but I wasn't. I was only on this date because John really liked this girl, but got nervous when he was alone with a woman. Not that me being there made that any better. I felt bad for him. John was a really great guy. He just sucked at being anything but insane around a woman. This girl had at least agreed to go on a date with him, that was farther than he usually got. We arrived at the restaraunt and I could see the relief in everyones faces. At restaraunts you always have something to talk about. Whether it is the menu, or the drinks, or the funny people all around you. We were seated upstairs by a older couple who hadn't quite reached the 1970s yet. Our waiter was an extremely energetic man. I couldn't quite tell if he was gay or not. He walked like it, talked like it, and even held his hand up in front of his chest when he was talking. On all counts he should
have been gay, except that he had a wedding ring on his finger. I decided it was a cover up. I definately wouldn't be friendly to him at all. I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. I am straight as a whistle. We ordered our meals, both girls ordering salads while us men ordered real food. As you can tell, I'm not a big salad eater, or excerciser, or stay in shape kind of person in any sense of it. I am pleasantly plump and proud of it. I enjoy my food the way it is supposed to be enjoyed. I don't look like my date who looks like she has been anorexic for some time now.
Maybe that's why I wasn't impressed by her showy top. I like a woman with a little meat on her bones. I like her to show that she likes to eat, but that she can still do all of the things that healthy people do. Plus, I know that if a woman is a little bigger, she is a good cook, and that is very important to me. After we ordered, John continued to rant about who knows what and the atmosphere didn't change much at all from the mood in the car. I was getting bored. When I get bored, I do things. Not normal things, but things that are risky and will get me in a little trouble. I always think about my friends first of course, and right then I was thinking about how much of a fool John was making of himself and that he really didn't need to be put through this torture any longer. So I said it. "So how long have you had the disease?" My date looked at me, confused, "Excuse me?" "The disease, you know, anorexia." I said blatently. She looked appalled and didn't give me the courtesy of an answer. "Don't try to tell me that you were actually going to eat the salad you ordered. Your kind never do. You arder it, make the men pay for it, don't touch it, then run off and see how much skinnier you got from starving yourself another night." She was looking furious, her friend shocked and John like he had just discovered electricity. He knew where I was going with this. You see, when I know that a date is going poorly, for both of us, I throw a twist in things and see how long it will take the girls to leave so that we can kick back and have a beer. I figured these girls wouldn't be hard to bust. And I was right. Moments later, my date, looking like a donkey had kicked her in the face, stood up, shoved her seat back and glared at me, "I am NOT anorexic. You are just saying that because you are fat." And she stormed off. Her friend quickly stood up, gave us both a look that I think she thought was mean and followed. When they were safely out of earshot, John burst out laughing. "You've never tried that one before...fatty." And he punched me in the shoulder. We had a good chuckle over the night and stayed at the restaraunt for an hour or so more, just drinking and laughing at the look on that girl's face. Moments like that are priceless. Now I know someday John and I both are going to meet wonderful women and fall in love, but until then, kicking back as just the boys and having a beer is better than any double date.